Ever scrolled through social media and felt like everyone else is ahead of you? Someone just bought their first home. Another friend is launching a startup. Someone else is traveling the world while you’re stuck in your hometown, figuring things out.
If you’ve ever questioned your own progress based on someone else’s highlight reel, you’re not alone. But here’s the truth: success on your terms isn’t about keeping up—it’s about getting clear on what actually matters to you.
Let’s dive into how you can define—and live—success on your terms starting today.
Why Society’s Version of Success Doesn’t Work
We’ve been conditioned to believe that success looks like a fancy job title, a six-figure salary, and a highlight-worthy lifestyle. But those things don’t guarantee fulfillment. In fact, they often come at the cost of mental health, relationships, and personal joy.
The Comparison Trap
Think about it: how many times have you felt “behind” just because someone else appeared to be “winning”? Comparison is the thief of joy and clarity. It pulls you away from your own values and convinces you to chase a life that’s not yours.
When I was 23, I worked a corporate job that looked great on paper. I had the salary, the benefits, the “respectable” role. But I was drained, stressed, and felt out of place. The more I pushed to fit that mold, the more I lost sight of who I was.
That’s when I realized I wasn’t failing—I was chasing the wrong version of success. Everyone else’s version, not my version.
What Does Success Look Like to You?
If you want to build a life that feels right, not just looks right, you have to pause and ask the deeper questions.
Start with Self-Reflection
Ask yourself:
- What would an ideal day look like for me?
- What do I value more—freedom or structure? Creativity or stability?
- If no one else had an opinion, what would I be doing with my life?
These questions are key to understanding success on your terms.
The Four Core Areas of Personal Success
Here’s a framework I use with clients:
- Health – Do you have the energy to live the life you want?
- Wealth – Are your finances aligned with your freedom and goals?
- Relationships – Are you surrounded by people who support your growth?
- Fulfillment – Are you doing something meaningful with your time?
Success isn’t a finish line—it’s how you feel waking up each morning.
Building a Blueprint for Success on Your Terms
Now that you’ve reflected, it’s time to take action.
Set Goals That Align With Your Core Values
Let’s say one of your top values is freedom. That might mean building a freelance career, launching an online business, or choosing a flexible role over a traditional 9-to-5. Keep in mind this is what you value, not what someone else values.
If connection is a key value, your version of success might prioritize time with family, building a community, or work that allows you to serve others.
Whatever it is, write it down. Be specific.
Break Big Dreams into Small Wins
Take your vision and reverse-engineer it. Here’s how if you want to start a coaching business:
- Long-term goal: Start a coaching business in one year
- Quarterly goal: Build a personal brand and online presence
- Monthly goal: Post once a week on social media
- Weekly goal: Write content and engage with your audience
- Daily action: Spend 30 minutes learning or creating
The beauty of this process? Every step is aligned with success on your terms, not someone else’s.
Redefining Failure Along the Way
Here’s something nobody tells you: building your own path means stumbling a lot.
But when you’re committed to success on your terms, failure just becomes feedback.
When I launched my first business, it flopped. Hard. Almost no one wanted to buy from me. I was crushed—until I realized I wasn’t marketing and selling to the right audience. That experience forced me to refine my mission and lean deeper into who I really wanted to help. On top of it, I didn’t actually believe in what I was selling, which is a huge variable in succeeding in sales.
That pivot helped my next business venture succeed. Failing wasn’t the end—it was part of defining what success really looked like for me.
Protecting Your Version of Success
Staying true to yourself requires discipline. The world will constantly try to sell you its definition of success.
Set Boundaries with Noise
Limit exposure to social media that makes you feel inadequate. Social media only shows you highlights, not reality. So it is not valid information you are getting. Choose mentors, friends, and voices that reinforce your personal vision, not distract from it.
Revisit Your Vision Often
Life changes, and so will your definition of success. Check in with yourself every few months:
- Does my version of success still feel right?
- Am I living in alignment with my values?
- What needs to be adjusted?
This is your life. You get to rewrite the script whenever you want.
Final Thoughts: You’re Already Ahead
If you’re asking how to define success for yourself, you’re ahead of most people. You’re not settling. You’re questioning. And that’s powerful.
Success on your terms is the only kind worth pursuing. Success is not about having a certain amount of money in the bank, status, buying a house, etc. It is improving from where you started to where you are now. It’s YOUR success.
So ask yourself today:
What does success look like for me, and what’s one small step I can take toward it right now?
Then go take that step. Your future self will thank you.
Key Takeaways
- Don’t let society’s version of success define yours.
- Use reflection, values, and aligned action to create your own success path.
- Embrace failure and adjust without shame.
- Protect your vision and check in regularly.
References:
- Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books, 2006.
- Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing, 2010.
- Newport, Cal. Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World. Grand Central Publishing, 2016.
- Robbins, Tony. “The Science of Achievement vs. the Art of Fulfillment.” TonyRobbins.com,
https://www.tonyrobbins.com. - Clear, James. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery, 2018.
