Have you ever felt like you’re just drifting through life, unsure of what’s driving you? Maybe you’re working a job that pays the bills but doesn’t excite you, or you’re studying something that feels more like a “safe option” than a passion. You’re not alone. You may feel like by this time you’re expected to figure it all out. But here’s the truth: most of us don’t find direction until we take the time to truly find our why.
I’ve been there. At 20, I was chasing other people’s expectations and doing things just to keep up appearances. It wasn’t until I took the time to find my why that everything started to fall into place. If you’re ready to stop feeling lost and start living with intention, this article is for you.
What is having a “why”? It is having a core belief or reason that is driving you towards achieving the things you are going after. Is it prove to everyone “you’re good enough”, to retire your parents, to achieve financial freedom, to make a difference in the world or simply prove to yourself that you are worthy of having an amazing life? The list goes on and on but at this moment we all have one. What is your why?
Why Finding Your Why Matters (Especially in Your 20s)
Your 20s are the foundation of your future. The decisions you make now—how you spend your time, who you surround yourself with, and what you pursue—set the course for the life ahead of you. Without a clear purpose, you’re just guessing.
Living With vs. Without a Why
Let’s break this down:
Without a Why: You might drift from one job, relationship, or project to the next, always feeling like something’s missing. You’re just surviving—clocking in, going home, and repeating.
With a Why: Every decision becomes intentional. You’ll wake up with clarity and motivation, knowing that what you’re doing matters—to you.
Quick Example: I was always switching majors in college. Physical therapy, business, finance—nothing stuck. I wasn’t lazy; I just didn’t have a reason for why or what I wanted to do. After taking time to reflect, I realized my “why” was to help young individuals unlock their potential and succeed. But first, I needed to demonstrate that success is possible, so I finally decided to stick to my major in business.
Why It’s Hard to Find Your Why
If finding purpose were easy, everyone would do it. Here’s what often holds us back:
1. Outside Pressure
Parents, teachers, and society all have opinions about what you should do. You hear:
- “Get a practical degree.”
- “Take the stable job.”
- “Play it safe.”
The problem? Those voices drown out your own. Also, these people may have great intentions for us and may actually care about us. But the reality is their opinions are just a reflection of what they were not able to achieve themselves.
2. Fear of Failure
Ever think, “What if I pursue my passion and fail?” That fear keeps us in our comfort zone, where it’s “safe”—but also uninspiring. If you’re still trying, you are not failing. It’s when you decide to quit that you have failed.
3. Lack of Self-Awareness
When was the last time you asked yourself:
- “What makes me excited to get out of bed?”
- “What impact do I want to make?”
If you’re not asking the right questions, it’s hard to get answers. Our brains are wired to spit out an answer to any question we give it. Ask the right questions!
The 5-Step Process to Discover Your Why
Finding your purpose doesn’t happen overnight, but these steps will help you get started.
Step 1: Reflect on Your Passions and Interests
What do you love to do? What activities make you lose track of time? Write them down. Don’t worry if they seem small or random—they’re clues to help you find your why.
Example: I realized early on that I loved helping people improve. Whether it was teaching a friend to negotiate better or motivating someone to hit the gym, seeing others succeed fired me up. That passion became the foundation for my leadership career as well as the foundation for Permission Free Living.
Action Tip: Write a list of the top 5 activities or hobbies that make you feel alive.
Step 2: Identify Your Strengths and Talents
We all have strengths—things we’re naturally good at. Maybe you’re a great listener, a problem-solver, or a creative thinker.
Quick Exercise: Write down 5 things people regularly compliment you on. Don’t brush them off—your strengths are part of your “why.”
Step 3: Figure Out What Problems You Care About Solving
At its core, purpose comes from serving something bigger than yourself. Ask yourself:
- “What problems in the world frustrate or inspire me?”
- “Who do I want to help?”
Example: A young guy I knew realized his “why” after seeing his family struggle with money. Through this, he decided he wanted to help others learn financial literacy. Today, he’s building a business around it.
Action Tip: Write down 3 problems or causes you care about deeply.
Step 4: Look to Your Past for Clues
Sometimes, the struggles you’ve faced hold the answers to your purpose. Think about challenges you’ve overcome. What did you learn? Who can you help because of it?
Personal Story: I struggled with confidence in my early 20s. I didn’t speak up in meetings, avoided taking risks, and let opportunities pass me by. But it was through continuous self-improvement that I developed the confidence to speak in front of strangers and have tough conversations. The confidence to speak has made all the difference. That experience shaped my “why”: to help young individuals like you unlock their potential and succeed.
Reflection Tip: What lessons have you learned from your biggest challenges?
Step 5: Take Action—Start Small, But Start Now
You don’t need all the answers right away. Purpose is discovered through action. Try new things, volunteer, or take on projects that excite you. Do not be afraid to jump careers and surprise yourself with skills you didn’t think you had.
Example: One of my close friends changed six different industries and fields before finding his passion in e-commerce. At one point, he ran a pig farm in the back of his house. Not joking. Now, he owns a multi-million-dollar brand you may have heard of: Kings Loot.
Action Plan:
- Pick one new activity this month that aligns with your interests.
- Journal what you learn about yourself along the way.
How Your Why Creates Success in Life and Business
When you find your why, success becomes a byproduct. Here’s why:
1. You Stay Focused
Distractions lose their power when you have a clear direction. You’re no longer chasing short-term wins—you’re building something bigger.
2. You Push Through Challenges
A strong “why” gives you the resilience to keep going when things get tough.
Personal Example: When I first considered starting Permission Free Living, I doubted myself daily and wondered if this would actually help anyone. If I didn’t have my “why”, I would’ve quit. Instead, I used those challenges to push harder and try new things.
Mistakes to Avoid When Finding Your Why
- Waiting for the “Perfect” Purpose: Start exploring now. Purpose reveals itself through action.
- Comparing Your Journey to Others: Your “why” is unique—don’t measure it against someone else’s.
- Overthinking It: Sometimes, the answer is simple. Follow what excites you.
Final Thoughts: Your Why is Waiting for You
Finding your “why” is the key to unlocking a life of purpose, fulfillment, and success. It’s not about having all the answers—it’s about taking the first step.
So, what are you waiting for? Your “why” is out there, and it’s waiting for you to discover it. Start today. Write down what excites you, reflect on your strengths, and take action.
The future you will thank you. The you who is excited and passionate to wake up every day and who is making a difference.
Call to Action: “Ready to take the first step? Start exploring your passions and strengths today—you’ll be amazed at what you discover.”
References
- Sinek, Simon. Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action. Portfolio/Penguin, 2009.
- Sinek, Simon. “How to Find Your Why.” Simon Sinek Official Blog, www.simonsinek.com. Accessed 1 May 2024.
- Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Ballantine Books, 2007.
- Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing, 2010.
- “Find Your Purpose: 8-Step Process to Discover Your Why.” BetterUp Blog, BetterUp, www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-find-your-purpose. Accessed 1 May 2024.
- Duckworth, Angela. Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner, 2016.
