Extreme Ownership: The Mindset for Success

Love the game of chess. The focus and attention it takes to contemplate the strategy of your opponent or your next move is key. Even before playing you set up and prepare on what your strategy will be to win. But the ultimate lesson we can learn from chess is success doesn’t happen by accident. If you did not win, no matter how well we felt we played or made great moves, you made a mistake early in the game resulting in a loss.  

If you wish to become someone of great value, especially if you’re just starting out, you need to understand one crucial thing: it’s all your fault. Every success, every failure, every obstacle—it’s your responsibility to deal with. This is the foundation of extreme ownership, a mindset that will change the way you approach life and lead to success in everything you do.

Let’s dive into what extreme ownership is and why adopting it early will set you up for long-term wins.

What Is The Extreme Ownership Mindset?

Extreme ownership means taking full responsibility for everything in your life—no excuses, no blaming others. Whether it’s your job, your relationships, your finances, or your health, you need to own the results.

I first learned this lesson early in my journey. Fresh out of school, I thought I had all the answers. But when things didn’t go as planned, I found myself pointing fingers—blaming circumstances, people, and even bad luck (We have all been there or know someone) . What I didn’t realize was that I was giving away my power. By blaming others, I was giving control of my life to everything but myself. It wasn’t until I started owning my failures and that everything was indeed my fault, that things began to change.

Adopting this mindset shifted me from reactive to proactive. Responding not reacting.

The Power of Taking Full Responsibility

Own Your Wins, Own Your Losses

Extreme ownership isn’t just about taking the blame when things go wrong. It’s about owning your wins and your losses. Let’s face it, success feels great, but when you fail, it’s tough. The natural reaction is to make excuses: “I didn’t get the right support,” or “That was out of my control.”

The truth? Everything is your responsibility.

When you start thinking this way, it forces you to focus on what you can control, not what you can’t. And that’s where your real power lies.

Take this example: Early in my career I was working hard for an upcoming promotion. I stayed late and showed up when others didn’t. When promotion time came I was passed up and I actually ended up getting coaching on the things I was doing wrong that same day. My first initial reaction was to quit on the spot and that the other person didn’t deserve it. Then my supervisor asked me a key question, “Have you looked at the next position job responsibilities and demonstrated these in your daily operations?” And the answer was no. 

The truth was I was running on the hamster wheel on the idea that hard work solves everything which in reality it’s about taking ownership. 

Blaming Others Limits Your Growth

If you’re constantly blaming outside factors, you’ll never grow. Why? Because we won’t learn the lessons each situation offers. Blaming others is like putting blinders on. You miss the opportunity to reflect, adjust, and improve. Instead of blaming others, ask yourself, “What could I have done differently?” Most of us blame the things that we can’t control, like other people. And we sell ourselves that there is nothing in our control, but the minute we realize that we have more control than we think, this is the first step to taking responsibility.

The moment you take ownership is the moment you open yourself up to growth. 

Shifting Your Mindset: From Victim to Victor

Success Starts with a Leadership Mindset

Even if you’re just starting out and not in a leadership role yet, you need to start thinking like a leader. Why? Because leaders take responsibility. They don’t wait for someone else to fix their problems—they own them.

This doesn’t just apply to work. Whether you like it or not we are all leaders in one aspect of our lives or another. We all have people looking up to us or are counting on us. Stop waiting for someone else to guide you. You’re in charge.

Owning Your Daily Choices

Extreme ownership starts with small, daily decisions. When you choose to stay up late, skip the gym, or blow your budget, that’s on you. Those decisions stack up over time and shape the direction of your life.

I used to be terrible with time management. I’d spend hours scrolling through social media, telling myself I was “networking” or “researching.” It wasn’t until I took a hard look at how I was spending my time and started owning those choices that things began to shift. Wisdom is knowing between the busy activities that fill our time vs the activities that actually move the needle forward.

Owning Your Failures: The Mindset of Growth

Failure is Essential for Success

Failure is inevitable. You will fail, and that’s okay. In fact, it’s necessary. But here’s the catch: It only leads to success if you own your failures.

Every successful entrepreneur I know has a story of failure. For me, it was launching a business that flopped. I lost money, time, and confidence. I could’ve given up, but instead, I asked myself, “What went wrong? What can I learn from this?” By owning that failure, I gained invaluable experience that helped me build future successes.

No More Excuses

Making excuses is a defense mechanism. It’s your mind’s way of protecting your ego. But if you want to grow, you have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. That means admitting when you’ve messed up.

The next time something doesn’t go your way, resist the urge to make excuses. Instead, take a step back and reflect on what you could have done differently. 

Taking Control of Your Life Through Extreme Ownership

Key Areas to Own

The extreme ownership mindset applies to every area or pillar of your life. Let’s break it down:

• Finances: Take control of your spending, saving, and investing. Learn to budget and give every dollar direction purpose. Best way to do this is with our Ultimate Financial Budget Template. Don’t blame your circumstances—find ways to make more money or manage what you have better.
• Health: No more excuses for skipping the gym or eating poorly. Own your health because it directly affects your energy and ability to succeed. No one is force feeding us the junk we stuff ourselves with. A healthy man has a thousand wishes, a sick man has one.
• Career: Whether you’re working a 9-to-5 or starting your own business, you are responsible for your progress. Learn new skills, take initiative, and never wait for someone to hand you opportunities. Review your next role and develop the skills needed to get to the next level or shadow someone who is where you want to be.
• Relationships: Own how you treat people. If your relationships are struggling, look at what you can do differently. Don’t wait for the other person to change. Marriage is the perfect example of this, everyone blames their spouse but never the person in the mirror. 

Building Discipline and Accountability

Owning your life takes discipline. It’s not easy, and it won’t happen overnight. One tool that helped me was journaling. Every night, I’d write down what went well that day and what didn’t, holding myself accountable for both.

Another great way to stay on track is finding a mentor or accountability partner. Having someone to check in with regularly can keep you honest and motivated.

Overcoming Challenges Beyond Your Control

What Happens When Life Throws You Curveballs?

Here’s the thing: Life is going to throw you challenges that are completely outside your control—family problems, economic downturns, accidents. It’s not about pretending you can control everything, but about how you respond when things go wrong.

For example, during a rough economic period, our real estate business struggled. But instead of playing the victim, I focused on what I could control—pivoting my approach, cutting unnecessary expenses, and finding innovative ways to fix repairs. That shift in mindset kept me from selling everything and calling it quits.

Building a Legacy Through Extreme Ownership

Why This Mindset Sets You Apart

No one likes taking responsibility. Why? Because it requires blaming one person. YOU. Most people spend their lives blaming external circumstances for why they aren’t where they want to be. By adopting this mindset, you’ll immediately set yourself apart from your peers. You’ll build a reputation as someone who’s reliable, driven, and solution-oriented. 

Becoming outstanding is not that hard, it takes 2 key components: taking ownership and doing the things that no one else wants to do. You have those and you hold the key to your future.

Leaving a Lasting Impact

Extreme ownership isn’t just about short-term success. It’s about building a legacy. The habits you develop now will carry you forward for the rest of your life. By owning your journey, you’ll become a leader who others respect and look up to. 

Conclusion: Own Your Journey, Own Your Success

The road to success is long and full of challenges, but the mindset of extreme ownership will make all the difference. Start today. Own your decisions, your failures, and your successes. It’s not always easy, but I promise you—it’s worth it. Here at permission free living we make it our mission to build a community of people who are owning their future. Join them. Your future self will thank you.

References:

1. Willink, Jocko, and Leif Babin. Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win. St. Martin’s Press, 2015.
2. Martin, Garry. The Lessons of Chess: Strategy, Tactics, and Life Lessons. ChessBase, 2020.
3. Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House, 2006.
4. Maxwell, John C. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You. Thomas Nelson, 2007.
5. Newport, Cal. Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World. Portfolio, 2019.
6. Gladwell, Malcolm. Outliers: The Story of Success. Little, Brown and Company, 2008.
7. Covey, Stephen R. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change. Free Press, 1989.
8. Ferriss, Timothy. Tools of Titans: The Tactics, Routines, and Habits of Billionaires, Icons, and World-Class Performers. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2016.